Skip to main content

I used to be an actor

Last night we went out with friends after church to the local rib joint, and one of the people whom I had recently met started asking me about what kind of work I liked to do. It led to a whole discussion of my resume in the arts and theatre, and at one point he asked me if I ever missed acting. I said, "No." And then I wondered..."Why don't I miss it?" Sometimes when I am writing or talking to someone, I find that things become clearer, the lines fall into place, and I understand something that I did not comprehend before. And so it was last night.

Having grown up in a fairly conservative environment that did not provide a lot of outlets for passion and creativity (and to be honest, somewhat discouraged it), I chose to channel most of my emotional energy and abundance of imagination into acting and other artistic outlets. This created a certain division in my life between the quiet, shy Matte and the charismatic, intense, and passionate Matte. As I have chosen to face many of the fears that ruled my life and to let go of counter-productive self-imposed restraints, I believe much of that division has been eradicated. I don't need to act, to perform, to take on a character, to have a script written for me, or to step into a fabricated scene in order to be a strong and vivacious person. I can bring that energy, verve, whole-hearted focus, and this authentic, captivating character with me anywhere I go.

I still love the theatre, but I suppose my involvement in it was a bit of a substitute for living large in my own skin. And last night, for the first time, I vocalised the fact that I don't miss acting because I have found that all my strong emotions, crazy ideas, and intense, focused charisma are now pretty much a part of my everyday life, as they should be. This makes me a more honest, whole, and happy person. Woohoo!

Thanks, Howie, for asking me the question.

This is one of the many bagel shops on the Plateau in Montreal. mmmm, bagels.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Names of God

The Hebrew word "YHWH" (read from right to left) This past Sunday I gave a talk on the Names of God, the beginning of a series on this topic. This first talk was to be a gentle introduction so I thought it wouldn't take too many hours of preparation. Well, I quickly discovered that the research is almost bottomless; every time I thought I had a somewhat definitive list of names, I found another source which added a few more or gave a different twist on some of the names I had already come across. After several hours I was getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of data (and that was only looking at the Hebrew Bible). I wondered how I could present this to people in an orderly and accessible fashion and within a reasonable time frame. Not everyone is up for a 3-hour lecture crammed full of detail on a Sunday morning. So I took a break and spent a bit of time meditating on this problem and asking the Spirit for guidance. And then I thought that being overwhelmed by Go

comedic timing

Comic by Joel Micah Harris at xkcd.com One of my favourite jokes goes like this: Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow w--- Moooooooo!! Timing is important in both drama and comedy. A well-paced story draws the audience in and helps it invest in the characters, while a tale too hastily told or too long drawn out will fail to engage anyone. Surprise - something which interrupts the expected - is a creative use of timing and integral to any good story. If someone is reading a novel and everything unfolds in a predictable manner, they will probably wonder why they bothered reading the book. And so it is in life. Having life be predictable all of the time is not as calming as it sounds. We love surprises, especially good surprises like birthday parties, gifts, marriage proposals, and finding something that we thought was lost. Surprises are an important part of humour. A good joke is funny because it goes to a place you didn't expect it to go. Sim

soul refrigerator

I went grocery shopping yesterday and came home with three bags of food. After I unpacked them all, this is what my fridge looked like: really empty. How does that happen? How can I feel so full and ready for any food emergency one moment, and after one quick glance, realise that I have nothing, really? Today is one of those days in my soul as well. I woke up with gratitude and fullness in my heart, ready to take on this day and all the wonderful opportunities that it presented. Then I caught a brief glance of some emptiness in my life and bam - my buoyancy was compromised. For the past few hours I have been treading water, trying to keep my head in a positive space, bobbing in and out of disappointment, and catching myself whining with pathetic indignity at the cement blocks of other people's stupidity that are tangled around my ankles. When I am staring at the empty refrigerator of my soul, these are my thoughts. Where do I go from here? Perhaps I should slam that refrigerator